As a general rule it is not other people that hurt us as much as we hurt ourselves within the depths of our own minds. People will berate themselves internally, telling themselves they aren’t smart enough, strong enough, intelligent enough, talented enough, good enough, slim enough…simply not enough in some form or another. Along the way individuals have agreed to believe certain concepts about themselves, through comparisons to others or agreements they’ve made about the right way or wrong way of being and it is lived out in their external world. What we feel internally we extend externally.
It really comes down to words and the meaning we associate with particular words, the memory we have attached to it, or the resisting of our natural gifts. The majority of us would become defensive and feel awful if someone were to call us stupid, crazy, angry, lazy, that’s a given. Those words hold a negative connotation in western society where we are taught to be busy, to achieve, to accomplish, but sometimes a word that one person thinks is negative and offensive another person would consider a compliment.
An example of this phenomenon is the word ‘theatrical’. For a person who is more naturally reserved or poised to be ‘theatrical’ would be out of their comfort zone, it wouldn’t resonate with them to be out-going or loquacious in a large group. They may need time to consider their thought before they speak; they might enjoy quiet or a lone time that is what feels right to them. So to call them theatrical or dramatic could potentially be quite offensive.
On the flip side is the person who loves to perform, they are energized and inspired by it whether on or off stage. My daughter’s friend is like that. When she is on stage singing or acting she literally says she gets a ‘high’ from it. Really all she is doing is expressing her innate talent, her innate gift and the result is we experience entertainment and are inspired right along with her. If you were to tell her she is ‘dramatic’ she would smile brightly and say ‘thanks for noticing’.
On the other side of this equation is the individual who as a child loved to dance or sing or act, it brought joy to their heart, they felt the urge, the ‘calling’ if you will. Somewhere along the line an authority figure, someone they held in high regard perhaps a parent or a teacher or a dance instructor took it upon themselves to suggest to the individual that they didn’t possess the natural talent or aptitude to perform. Now these are words offered by someone to whom they looked up to, the suggestion would then carry a lot of weight. If the child believed the authority figure and then attached a negative emotion to it such as sadness or loss or the feeling of not being ‘good’ enough they automatically download that program in to the subconscious. This suggestion then becomes part and parcel as to how they perceive themselves, it’s how the word or grouping of words affected them. In this instance they may never perform again because of a suggestion made by a person who did not consider how their words could influence a small child.
There are some who believe that we should never allow others to influence us, we should not be hypnotized, or be offered suggestions because they feel it’s manipulative. Its true words can be used irresponsibly or destructively. However I’d like to point out that as soon as any of us open our mouths to speak we are in a position to influence another and some of those suggestions change people’s lives for the better. Some of the greatest teachers throughout history Gandhi, Mother Theresa, Emerson, John Lennon…. have influenced all of us through their dynamic use of words and I would not believe them to be ‘manipulators’.
I have witnessed the very occurrence I am writing about, it is why I have a job as a ‘hypnotherapist’ because people are trying to ‘undo’ the negative influence others have had on them throughout their lives. Our conversation will go something like this I will ask them ‘if you could do or be anything what is it you would ‘will’ yourself to be?’ They will respond with resistance and play back the program they’ve agreed with, ‘Well there is this one thing I’d like to do, but you will think I am crazy.’ Or they may add things such as, it doesn’t make money; I don’t have the time; I am not very good at it; it’s not a good time in my life and other resistive suggestions.
Then I will ask them if they can imagine themselves doing this particular thing and most can in great detail because they have been dreaming about it for a lifetime. Next question is ‘how does it make you ‘feel’ when you see yourself doing this?’ At this point they will respond with pleasure or happiness, feelings of elation, motivation a gamete of positive emotion. From here I will tell them there is nothing stopping them except their own thoughts/words and lack of action.
It’s about observing your own thoughts, to release and rescind ‘old’ agreements or knowledge that no longer serves you. I always tell people the solutions are within, the power is within; they are the only ones observing their own minds, in designing their destinies. If they could simply focus their attention on better ‘feeling thoughts’ they would see the results echo outwards.
So if you want to dance then dance, or draw, or write, or build, or serve, or teach or cook or invent or lead etc. Do whatever your inner voice is urging you to express. Because it’s not about what others think it’s about sharing and utilizing the gifts you’ve been given, it’s about how you feel inside when you express your gifts When you feel good inside you are radiant, you walk taller, smile brighter, your eyes twinkle. That is the truth.
I will leave you with this quote because I feel it’s precisely what I am trying to impress upon you.
“Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love”. Lao Tzu