To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.’ Ralph Waldo Emerson
I would like to discuss the concept of rejection and communicate a different view if I may.
In my practice I meet individuals who have gone through difficult break-ups/ divorce, been terminated from jobs or have difficulty finding gainful employment, have experienced the loss of close friendships, sons not speaking to fathers, families suing one another, all forms of what society terms rejection.
Everyone has experienced rejection on some level or has been involved in the rejection of another. But what is rejection really? Merriam-Websters dictionary defines it as: ‘to refuse to believe, accept, or consider (something)’. Rejection is a ‘verb’ it is an action that we partake in either as the sender or as the receiver. It is a learnt behavior.
I’d like to take the definition one step further and suggest to you it is a very simple concept, rejection is the display of a ‘lack of love’, either for yourself or another. It is the belief in separation, exclusion, dissociation, attack, anger, criticism, justification, it’s all synonymous. It’s projection of all that your ego feels is not correct, its fear based. And if you’d like to see rejection at its finest visit a family law court, the fear hangs on every word, every sentence, and every page of an affidavit.
Rejection is the inability to recognize the light in the other person, to feel them with a gentle heart, speak to them as you would like to be spoken to, treat them as you’d like to be treated. It is the removal of love from your vocabulary.
Think of the individuals that have expanded great change in the world, people that were once rejected until someone saw their light, someone was willing to consider what they had to offer, to accept them, to believe in them, to include them, to extend them love, to be open to their gifts. Authors, poets, inventors, politicians, philanthropists, actors, artists, teachers …
I am not trying to suggest that all jobs are a good fit for us, or that all individuals resonate with us, or that we stay married to someone we aren’t in sync with or that we quit something because we were rejected the first time. The world offers contrast at all times and through contrast we gain clarity or who we are, what we like, what we want. Rejection can actually motivate you to clearly define in your heart and mind what it is you want. There have been times in all our lives that through rejection we have been compelled to gravitate towards something more suitable and many blessings have come of that. The truth is rejection feels terrible so naturally we are going to seek better feeling situations and people.
But there is an easier way, a more enlightened path. It is possible to move forward from situations without the use of rejection of another. We can release others or situations from a place of peace and forgiveness.
People think our purpose is really complicated, I think it’s very unassuming you can either teach ‘love’, or teach ‘lack of love’, in all interactions with others. Joy and rejection cannot coexist they are opposite ends of the spectrum. If you meet with someone with the intent to extend joy, to share love it invariably becomes an easier interaction.
That’s not to say that all individuals understand this concept, they remain unaware and it is evident in the lives they lead. They are in conflict with others, reject, judge, denigrate, fight and defend their positions, it’s a life filled with strain.
Even when we do understand the concept there are times we choose with a ‘lack of love’, when our words and actions did not bring more joy to ourselves or to the other person. All we can do at that moment is recognize the misalignment and then try to do better. Try and communicate with ‘love’ or ‘peace’ or ‘joy’ once again, because only by being willing to teach and extend something can we truly understand it.